"___________"

I just don't have the energy
Anymore
Who I am is not what I wanted to be
And yet
Here I am, unchangeable and stubborn

It's too tiring to deal with it
Anymore
The "___________" overwhelms and consumes
I can't take the not knowing
The feeling of irrecovable loss

Knowing that no matter how hard I try
I'll never get it back
Whatever it was
I've lost it, as usual

Same old me making same old mistakes
Avoidable, sure, yes, definitely
So why?
Because me is me and true is true

The shoe fits, so I wear it
It's easy falling into routines
They're always there waiting
Master Mistress, come back to us

You're so much more comfortable here
We expect the worst
And we're never surprised
It's a good existence

So appreciate the bad.

-Trish

What would you do
with seventy two hours?
Take a little white pill
And dream
Of infanticide




M x

Have you ever had that flutter of a moment when you analyse yourself in your situation on planet earth? Wonder what it is that makes you YOU and why exactly your there? Not just “there” in the sense that you are on your way into town or to the supermarket, or wherever, but why you are on “planet earth,” something that suddenly becomes somewhat of an alien concept. You analyse everything, your sex, your age, your appearance, your location in an extremely broad sense, and even your social position, all in a flutter of a moment. What even more weird is that you realise that there are billions of these other creatures like you in many respects too! I have to say when this happens it makes me nauseous! I literally have to stop my mind wondering, to visualising myself on this massive rock suspended in the unknown! Letting my imagination run further than this, with imagining what is beyond that. I know this is a theme that us as human being have been fascinated for years but I have to say when it comes at a moment you least expected it not only leaves me seriously perplexed but in need of help in regaining my composure! Then I just carry on in my little life and being this concept of “me”…

Infinity Pool

Oh look how
I plunge into the water again,
Got my goggle on
HAHA,
This time into the shallows
Where I know I can kneel
Right on the hard tiles,
This swimming costume,
I like how the floor slopes,
Well it itches,
And the chlorine dream brims right up to my neck,
Got my goggles on
HAHA,
But the water still floods in.

Pippa x